I've got the three F's: funky, fat and fed up. I could have probably added in fucked off but y'all didn't need to know what a potty mouth I really have if you don't already.
Funk. I'm in a funk. I wish I could elaborate more than that but that's it. I'm just in a weird funky mood and can't get out of it. If you wanted to label me as depressed that could probably work but as in the past my personal depression/anxiety has manifested much worse I'm not going to call it that.
Fat. Yes I'm fat. Now don't start in on me here because everyone's definition of fat is different but I'm up a jeans size. I've mentioned before how I own jeans in varying sizes from 10-18 and right now that is a good thing because I'm not fitting in the ones I *should* be. I'm not liking how things fit on me and I'm feeling heavy so I need to get off my fat ass and do something about it. The gym is literally a one minute drive away so I just need to do it already. I also need to stop eating like an idiot and eat healthily. Of course I bought a box of Betty Crocker Angel Food mix at TK Maxx today because I could so I'm obviously not in that big of a rush. I'm going to need to be in a swimsuit in two weeks so I should start sooner than later.
Fed up. I could have also called this bit Friendless. Extreme? Eh not so much. The not so glamorous side of being an expat (what is the glam side again?) is that all your friends are thousands of miles and an ocean away. I desperately miss my friends to the point where I'm a sad sack thinking about it and crying while I type. I love my friends. They are ride or die, amazing friends who love me not despite all my eccentricities but for them. I don't have to explain myself or act a certain way I can just be me. I miss them to the point that I ridiculously and incorrectly begin to resent NotBlondeHusband for having friends that he can go out and do things with regularly. Homesickness is something all expats have to deal with from time to time and I'm some what crushed with it at the moment.
So yea. I've got the F's. I honestly don't really know what to do about it. I've started stripping the pink out of my hair but I'm not really sure how that will affect anything. I've recognized that I need to get healthy but I haven't done anything about it so not much there. Friends well what can I do; it isn't like I'm some introverted, shy person who doesn't like to meet new people---I'm precisely the opposite. But now I'm just whining and I hate whining.
So why did I write this? I don't know. Maybe if I get it out of my head it is a step closer to breaking out of it.
