This week's snark is from one of the original members of #TeamTrashTelly--Nickie from
Typecast!
Kelly is back from her skive, Tulia is
trying it on for the sympathy vote, Gary is moaning about what a tough job it’s
turned out to be and Louis is playing the ‘bitch to the media’ card a couple of
weeks early. It’s Club Classic Floor Fillers Dancefloor Classics week,
people, and I’m all prepared for a little bit of chair dancing and a
sing-a-long so let’s hope I’m not disappointed.
PLUS it’s an X Factor DOUBLE ELIMINATION this week so everyone is at risk.
Dermot comes on stage to rapturous applause
and does a little head flick shoulder groove.
He announces that the “Dancefloor Classics is a ballad free zone”. I’m now wondering if Janet and Craig are
being given oxygen backstage
The Fashion Bit:
Kelly – Long red number – cut out at the
front to knee length
Tulisa – Black and gold one sleeved number
Kelly and Tulisa high-5 each other at the
judges table. Everyone is “fine”… yes
that type of “fine”… and Kelly’s voice has made a miraculous recovery – must be
all that LA air! I sit and wait for
Gary’s pre-written jokes – provided by James Cordon’s personal
scriptwriter. Also, Louis seems to have
given up the “You sound like a black [insert someone, anyone with black skin
here] route and is going down the “You brought it DOWN girl” track, slightly (a
lot) taking the piss out of Kelly.
Johnny – Hung Up/You Spin Me Round mash up
Backstage, he realises that most people who
win the XFactor aren’t his age (!).
Louis believes he can go all the way!
Johnny camps it up with the dancers backstage.
He is wearing a purple suit and Ohhhhh
slightly off key – no, A LOT OFF KEY -
with the Madonna song and he sounds like he’s had half a helium balloon
before he came on stage – as soon as he moves into Dead or Alive he’s bang on
again! Gary doesn’t look impressed AT
ALL! It’s nowhere NEAR the quality of
last week’s performance – Louis has done him a disservice with this choice of
mash-up.
ADVICE:
Tulisa says it was predictable.
Kelly says he looked like he was having a good time but she can’t
comment further. Gary says it was like
the opening of a bad panto and it’s making a mockery of the competition.
Janet –
I Want You Back
Backstage, Janet says she doesn’t dance –
she knows what she likes and that’s all that matters.
She’s had her hair straightened (which does
actually suit her), she looks like she’s wearing a t-shirt and a cape type
thing but forgotten her trousers and she jiggles about on the spot a bit. Out of tune at the beginning and forgets her
words in the second verse. Kelly mouths
them at her and she picks it back up again.
Anything that Janet sings sounds more Irish that her actual accent. She also manages to include that annoying
catch in her voice regardless of the style she is singing in
ADVICE:
Tulisa says she should stick to her own style because she looked
uncomfortable. Gary thought the
performance was weak and she lost her identity.
Craig – Heaven
Backstage, Craig is scared this week
because he has to dance. Gary says he
can sing it well anyway because he’s a good singer (yes, we’ve all seen
Gary-the-dancer in Take That, haven’t we?).
He starts off slow – probably to build his
voice up – I’m losing interest already.
The shouty bit is out of tune but it leads into the Ibiza version of
Heaven. He’s just RUINED one of my all
time favourite tracks. He bounces up and
down the stage like an excited puppy and sings out of the side of his mouth –
then slows it down again at the end. He
gets a standing ovation from Gary.
ADVICE: As Louis says, “You remind me of a young Gary
Barlow” – I look over my shoulder to see if he’s reading my live blog. Tulisa says, “This shows how versatile you
are.” Kelly does some American shite
about singing up tempo.
The Risk – Night To Remember
Backstage, The Risk meet JLS and one of them
gives his mobile number to Nicole Shirtslinger after last week’s show. She just about manages to refrain from
screwing it up and throwing it away whilst the cameras are on her.
As a group they can’t harmonise. Individually they aren’t too bad. But this is what happens when you put a group
together of individual singers – the voices don’t blend. They are wearing leather jackets with pencil
ties apart from one of them who does some unnecessary rapping. They also do some Dermot-style dance-walking
up and down the stage. Forgettable, not
memorable.
ADVICE: I wish Louis would wait for the audience to
shut up – everything he says is drowned out.
I think he says that performance will put them back in the race –
Charlie is the main singer and Gary agrees.
Gary also says the song choice was the best for them but the performance
was lacking.
Marcus – Reet Petite
Backstage, Gary says Marcus is expected to
flower this week (!). Marcus says his
body is aching from all the dancing and he’s worried about his breathing. In and out, love, in and out – that’s all you
do. Marcus gets the Frankie treatment
this week with a special 50s TV announcer.
Marcus is definitely the dark horse in this
competition. I didn’t rate him in the
auditions but my husband had his card marked.
I’ve loved his “journey” so far and the way he throws himself into each
performance. He’s bang on key and even
does the rolling R’s in the song. He’s
fantastic – the “whole package” to steal an X Factor bingo phrase. Tulisa is dancing in her chair. He’s totally stolen the show!
ADVICE: Louis says “you are the perfect pop
star”. Tulisa says that he is the only
one who understands how to reinvent himself
each week. Kelly says it’s been
interesting watching him grow each week.
I’m now even more convinced the X Factor judges have a webcam in my
front room
Kitty – Like A Prayer
I adore this girl – I wish the general
public “got” her. Backstage, Kitty is
wondering “What Would Madonna Do” – I’m so going to get her a t-shirt with that
on and send it to her.
She’s got a gospel choir and it’s a slow
start but she’s got a fantastic voice.
She strips off to a sparkly leotard and does a lot of “ooohhhhh” and
“yeaaaahhhhh”. The judges don’t seem
impressed but it’s a song with not a lot of words.
ADVICE: Tulisa says that she’s captivated by Kitty’s
performances each week and believes that she could hold the attention of a
concert audience easily. Kelly says it
fell a bit flat but only because she thought she was holding back. Gary says that she can’t dance – POT? KETTLE?
Frankie –
I Gotta Feeling
Aaarrgghhh - Cut your hair, stop using family
entertainment television to make a name for yourself. You’re not the next Pete Docherty – he was
also a shit-for-brains. Also, X-Factor –
stop providing the platform for him to do this.
I’m convinced that if he survives this week he will have a Waissel make-over
and then get booted out. Backstage he
says he can’t work out why people are voting for him. Gary berates him about the media attention
he’s receiving. Then he says “Frankie’s
got his head down this week” and I think “I’ll bet he has…” *cough*
He’s doing a rock version of I Gotta
Feeling – it’s out of tune, out of time, off key, just all wrong and he looks
like he’s just dragged himself out of bed.
There are lots of Boooooo’s from the audience after he finishes.
ADVICE: Louis says it was bad karaoke and Gary has
built him up to be a big rockstar.
Tulisa says it didn’t work for her tonight. Kelly says Louis was out of line for part of his
comment and adds that she wants Frankie to concentrate on his vocals (erm, it’s
a singing contest – he should be good enough already!). Then there’s a bit of a bitch fight between
Louis, Kelly and Gary before Gary admits that he picked the wrong song for
Frankie. ANY SONG IS THE WRONG SONG,
LOVE.
Misha B - Proud Mary
First of all, “B” is so pretentious – it’s
not like there’s two Misha’s in the competition! Anyway, backstage, Misha and Kelly agree that
the performance should be “fun and bubbly”.
Her family also turn up to give her a boost. She channelling Tina T good style with the
“ha” interjections in the song. She also
looks like she’s had her trousers sprayed on and has stolen Whoopi Goldberg’s
hair from Sister Act. Give the girl her
due, she’s putting on a fabulous performance and really commands the
stage.
ADVICE: Louis loves what she did with the
song and says her and Marcus are natural born stars. Tulisa says she got it right & had good
energy. Gary says she’s got her crown
back.
Little Mix – Please Don’t Stop The Music
(modern remix)
We get a “when I was young” update from the
girls complete with complementary photos from their childhood – all of them
holding a microphone (or pretend microphone) funnily enough. They’ve also been on stage with Jessie J
which confirmed their reason to succeed.
These girls are growing and growing – they do actually work well
together as a group but this song doesn’t work for them as individual singers –
they sound much better as a group and have their harmonies down to a T. They have the dance moves too but the
flashing lights are actually distracting from the performance. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad
thing. Not a bad performance on the
whole.
ADVICE: Louis says he thinks they’ve broken the girl
band X Factor curse. Kelly says she
wants to hear more A-Cappella (unsure how that fits in with a club theme but
there you go). Gary says it was
incredible.
My predictions for X Factor bottom three are
Frankie, Janet and Johnny. And I really
don’t want to see you moaning at the elimination results if you don’t pick up
the phone and vote, m’kay?
Discovery Boxes: These are the term I've given to a toddler version of the baby treasure baskets. Every now and then I collect some simple materials such as cardboard tubes and beans, sellotape and scoops and put them into a large box for the girls to get stuck into! As with the treasure baskets, the idea is to step back and watch them play without interfering or suggesting what they should do, only joining in if asked. I find they can stay engaged with these simple items for so much longer than with their usual toys and they spend a lot of time thinking, collaborating, experimenting and having great fun! I've got a collection of the different items we have put into our Discovery Boxes on my site, if you need some more ideas! 
Musical Instruments: Following along the same principles as the treasure baskets and discovery boxes, it is so easy to put together some makeshift musical instruments for plenty of hands-on experimenting with noises and sounds! Music making is crucial for building listening skills, distinction and perception and investigating cause and effect. It's also one of the vital building blocks for pre-reading so that one day they will be able to hear and distinguish sounds in words, pick up rhythm and hear intonation. Making "music" is as simple as opening the kitchen cupboards to pull out the pans, wooden spoons and metal utensils! Then have a great bash-a-long to some nursery rhymes or chants! If you want something more "sophisticated" you can make shakers easily using dry rice or pasta in a plastic bottle, stretching a balloon over a tin can for a drum or even make your own rain sticks! 
Messy Play: Last (but probably BEST!) comes the delightful messy, sensory play! Again, no money is really needed for this apart from a few essentials from the kitchen cupboard. Make your own play dough and keep it for 6 months or more, using it to strengthen hand muscles and as a tool for learning letters, numbers and more. Making Goop like Blondie did is cheap and easy, too. Create sensory tubs filled with dry rice, pasta, lentils, pom poms and allow your little one to investigate with hands, scoops and spoons. (Watch smaller toddlers so that they don't put anything in their mouths.) Other ideas for investigating in deep table trays are water, sand, shaving cream, jelly, wood shavings, beads and lego! Whatever you have on hand will be of interest!
