The X Factor Live Show: Dancefloor Classics

This week's snark is from one of the original members of #TeamTrashTelly--Nickie from Typecast!
 

Kelly is back from her skive, Tulia is trying it on for the sympathy vote, Gary is moaning about what a tough job it’s turned out to be and Louis is playing the ‘bitch to the media’ card a couple of weeks early.  It’s Club Classic Floor Fillers Dancefloor Classics week, people, and I’m all prepared for a little bit of chair dancing and a sing-a-long so let’s hope I’m not disappointed.  PLUS it’s an X Factor DOUBLE ELIMINATION this week so everyone is at risk.

Dermot comes on stage to rapturous applause and does a little head flick shoulder groove.  He announces that the “Dancefloor Classics is a ballad free zone”.  I’m now wondering if Janet and Craig are being given oxygen backstage

The Fashion Bit:

Kelly – Long red number – cut out at the front to knee length

Tulisa – Black and gold one sleeved number

Kelly and Tulisa high-5 each other at the judges table.  Everyone is “fine”… yes that type of “fine”… and Kelly’s voice has made a miraculous recovery – must be all that LA air!  I sit and wait for Gary’s pre-written jokes – provided by James Cordon’s personal scriptwriter.  Also, Louis seems to have given up the “You sound like a black [insert someone, anyone with black skin here] route and is going down the “You brought it DOWN girl” track, slightly (a lot) taking the piss out of Kelly.

Johnny – Hung Up/You Spin Me Round mash up

Backstage, he realises that most people who win the XFactor aren’t his age (!).  Louis believes he can go all the way!  Johnny camps it up with the dancers backstage. 

He is wearing a purple suit and Ohhhhh slightly off key – no, A LOT OFF KEY -  with the Madonna song and he sounds like he’s had half a helium balloon before he came on stage – as soon as he moves into Dead or Alive he’s bang on again!  Gary doesn’t look impressed AT ALL!  It’s nowhere NEAR the quality of last week’s performance – Louis has done him a disservice with this choice of mash-up.

ADVICE:   Tulisa says it was predictable.  Kelly says he looked like he was having a good time but she can’t comment further.  Gary says it was like the opening of a bad panto and it’s making a mockery of the competition. 

Janet –  I Want You Back

Backstage, Janet says she doesn’t dance – she knows what she likes and that’s all that matters.

She’s had her hair straightened (which does actually suit her), she looks like she’s wearing a t-shirt and a cape type thing but forgotten her trousers and she jiggles about on the spot a bit.  Out of tune at the beginning and forgets her words in the second verse.  Kelly mouths them at her and she picks it back up again.  Anything that Janet sings sounds more Irish that her actual accent.  She also manages to include that annoying catch in her voice regardless of the style she is singing in

ADVICE:   Tulisa says she should stick to her own style because she looked uncomfortable.  Gary thought the performance was weak and she lost her identity.

Craig – Heaven

Backstage, Craig is scared this week because he has to dance.  Gary says he can sing it well anyway because he’s a good singer (yes, we’ve all seen Gary-the-dancer in Take That, haven’t we?).

He starts off slow – probably to build his voice up – I’m losing interest already.  The shouty bit is out of tune but it leads into the Ibiza version of Heaven.  He’s just RUINED one of my all time favourite tracks.  He bounces up and down the stage like an excited puppy and sings out of the side of his mouth – then slows it down again at the end.  He gets a standing ovation from Gary.

ADVICE:  As Louis says, “You remind me of a young Gary Barlow” – I look over my shoulder to see if he’s reading my live blog.  Tulisa says, “This shows how versatile you are.”  Kelly does some American shite about singing up tempo.

The Risk –  Night To Remember

Backstage, The Risk meet JLS and one of them gives his mobile number to Nicole Shirtslinger after last week’s show.  She just about manages to refrain from screwing it up and throwing it away whilst the cameras are on her. 

As a group they can’t harmonise.  Individually they aren’t too bad.  But this is what happens when you put a group together of individual singers – the voices don’t blend.  They are wearing leather jackets with pencil ties apart from one of them who does some unnecessary rapping.  They also do some Dermot-style dance-walking up and down the stage.  Forgettable, not memorable.

ADVICE:  I wish Louis would wait for the audience to shut up – everything he says is drowned out.  I think he says that performance will put them back in the race – Charlie is the main singer and Gary agrees.  Gary also says the song choice was the best for them but the performance was lacking.

Marcus – Reet Petite

Backstage, Gary says Marcus is expected to flower this week (!).  Marcus says his body is aching from all the dancing and he’s worried about his breathing.  In and out, love, in and out – that’s all you do.  Marcus gets the Frankie treatment this week with a special 50s TV announcer.

Marcus is definitely the dark horse in this competition.  I didn’t rate him in the auditions but my husband had his card marked.  I’ve loved his “journey” so far and the way he throws himself into each performance.  He’s bang on key and even does the rolling R’s in the song.  He’s fantastic – the “whole package” to steal an X Factor bingo phrase.  Tulisa is dancing in her chair.  He’s totally stolen the show!

ADVICE: Louis says “you are the perfect pop star”.  Tulisa says that he is the only one who understands how to reinvent himself  each week.  Kelly says it’s been interesting watching him grow each week.  I’m now even more convinced the X Factor judges have a webcam in my front room

Kitty – Like A Prayer

I adore this girl – I wish the general public “got” her.  Backstage, Kitty is wondering “What Would Madonna Do” – I’m so going to get her a t-shirt with that on and send it to her. 

She’s got a gospel choir and it’s a slow start but she’s got a fantastic voice.  She strips off to a sparkly leotard and does a lot of “ooohhhhh” and “yeaaaahhhhh”.  The judges don’t seem impressed but it’s a song with not a lot of words.

ADVICE:  Tulisa says that she’s captivated by Kitty’s performances each week and believes that she could hold the attention of a concert audience easily.  Kelly says it fell a bit flat but only because she thought she was holding back.  Gary says that she can’t dance – POT?  KETTLE?

Frankie –  I Gotta Feeling

 Aaarrgghhh - Cut your hair, stop using family entertainment television to make a name for yourself.  You’re not the next Pete Docherty – he was also a shit-for-brains.  Also, X-Factor – stop providing the platform for him to do this.  I’m convinced that if he survives this week he will have a Waissel make-over and then get booted out.  Backstage he says he can’t work out why people are voting for him.  Gary berates him about the media attention he’s receiving.  Then he says “Frankie’s got his head down this week” and I think “I’ll bet he has…” *cough*

He’s doing a rock version of I Gotta Feeling – it’s out of tune, out of time, off key, just all wrong and he looks like he’s just dragged himself out of bed.  There are lots of Boooooo’s from the audience after he finishes.

ADVICE:  Louis says it was bad karaoke and Gary has built him up to be a big rockstar.  Tulisa says it didn’t work for her tonight.  Kelly says Louis was out of line for part of his comment and adds that she wants Frankie to concentrate on his vocals (erm, it’s a singing contest – he should be good enough already!).  Then there’s a bit of a bitch fight between Louis, Kelly and Gary before Gary admits that he picked the wrong song for Frankie.  ANY SONG IS THE WRONG SONG, LOVE.

Misha B - Proud Mary

First of all, “B” is so pretentious – it’s not like there’s two Misha’s in the competition!  Anyway, backstage, Misha and Kelly agree that the performance should be “fun and bubbly”.  Her family also turn up to give her a boost.  She channelling Tina T good style with the “ha” interjections in the song.  She also looks like she’s had her trousers sprayed on and has stolen Whoopi Goldberg’s hair from Sister Act.  Give the girl her due, she’s putting on a fabulous performance and really commands the stage. 

ADVICE: Louis loves what she did with the song and says her and Marcus are natural born stars.  Tulisa says she got it right & had good energy.  Gary says she’s got her crown back.

Little Mix – Please Don’t Stop The Music (modern remix)

We get a “when I was young” update from the girls complete with complementary photos from their childhood – all of them holding a microphone (or pretend microphone) funnily enough.  They’ve also been on stage with Jessie J which confirmed their reason to succeed.  These girls are growing and growing – they do actually work well together as a group but this song doesn’t work for them as individual singers – they sound much better as a group and have their harmonies down to a T.  They have the dance moves too but the flashing lights are actually distracting from the performance.  Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  Not a bad performance on the whole.

ADVICE:  Louis says he thinks they’ve broken the girl band X Factor curse.  Kelly says she wants to hear more A-Cappella (unsure how that fits in with a club theme but there you go).  Gary says it was incredible.

My predictions for X Factor bottom three are Frankie, Janet and Johnny.  And I really don’t want to see you moaning at the elimination results if you don’t pick up the phone and vote, m’kay?

XFactor Live Shows: Fright Night

Tonight's X Factor recap is from the fab Mink Prisoner!

Lots of controversy before we even get to the singing this week. 

Kelly’s allegedly in a snit over Tulisa’s smackdown last week and is staying in LA. The official story is throat infection (Get well soon) Alexandra Burke is announced as a last-minute replacement. Shame Simon didn’t decide to hop on his private jet and come back to the X Factor!

Johnny’s in the papers for claiming incapacity benefit although he’s been shimmying across the stage like a disco diva and someone called Ashley quit The Risk to be replaced by someone from Nu Vibe called Ashford.

The Rhythmix girls had to change their name since a charity already has dibs they will now be called tah dah Little Mix so catchy. Phew! The X Factor PR Dept must be exhausted.

It’s Time. To. Face. The. Music.

Is Halloween the theme? I swear if one of them does thriller it’s all over.

Yes, Halloween is the theme. Maybe Johnny will come out in drag. They’re calling it Fright Night and

Dermot does an ill-advised dance routine with some chicks in catsuits.

Ghostbusters! Tulisa has come dressed as Michelle Pfeiffer in Catwoman Louis is dressed as an ageing gent with inappropriate Tin Tin hair.

The Risk

Thriller

Bit of tragic backstory about Ashley dropping out of the band. Sob, sob! It’s the hardest thing he’s had to do in his entire life – dude is lucky! First tears of the night….

Finally, The Risk… It IS all over they are singing Thriller in the manner of zombies. Oh, dear. Judges are deaf though since they are being praised.

Johnny “The People’s Diva” Robinson

That Old Devil Called Love

Louis introduces “The People’s Diva” Johnny the benefit cheat. Allegedly.

It’s that Old Devil Called Love Again with full on chandeliers, he fluffs the lyrics.  He has rocks in his eyes apparently. Good job Simon isn’t here.

The judges love it. Gary gives him a hub/kiss and Johnny faints (not really).

I wish he’d done it in drag. It’s quite fun and I love this Billie Holiday song so I’m gonna give Johnny a pass.

Sophie Habibis

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

Here we attempt to give Sophie a bit of a backstory. We see her in the pub with her friend. Random people say how she is representing Islington. Whatever. The song is such a poor choice. It’s not even These Boots (Were Made For Walking). Her voice is really great and she looks cute but this song. Just, no.

Gary says she’s one of the best singers (true) but he agrees with me about the song choice. She needs a big showstopper next week.

Marcus Collins

Superstition

Not sure about the eye make-up, Marcus. Does this song always sound like Need You Tonight by INXS? He rocked it out. I like Marcus but not loving the song choice either.

Big smiley thumbs-up from all the judges.

Misha B.

Tainted Love

Wonder if there’ll be any accusations of bullying tonight? There’s a mea culpa segment. Let’s just get on with the singing. An uptempo version; like the original by Gloria Jones. The creepy puppet dancers are distracting me. The crowd are chanting for her at the end. The judges who criticised her last week are backtracking. Fair enough. Second tears of the night.

Janet Devlin

Every Breath You Take

Wee Janet. We see her village in Ireland, some kids from a Primary school all saying they love her. A pared-down ballad version. She is dressed as Miss Havisham. It’s haunting all right, maybe not in a good way.Louis gives feedback and his second dodgy Kelly Rowland impression of the night. They all seem to like it.  Gary mentions she’s getting a bit predictable; I think he’s right.

Frankie Cocozza

Should I Stay Or I Go?

It’s bum tattoo time!  He’s looking more debauched as the weeks go by. “Tonight its me, a bed, and a load of fit dancers … and I m just gonna go out there and have it.” His hair looks better. Well, washed at least. I don’t think he’s pulling it off. The “fit dancers” are having a pillow fight. Oh, dear.

Louis gives him a bit of a telling off. Tulisa likes him. Alexandra not so thrilled with his offstage antics either. He don’t care.

Kitty Brucknell

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

She’s deluded. That Botox was done with someone by a grudge. She’s spinning on a wheel like the type knife throwers aim at, that’s tempting fate. I love this song, so am biased. I don’t feel like she “smashed it”.

Little Mix (Formerly Rhythmix)

E.T.

Third tears of the night. The pretty blonde girl is crying because twits are tweeting she’s fat.  The girls are on swings but looking spooky. They do Katy Perry’s alien ditty justice. I like them. So do the crowd and the judges.

Craig Colton

Set Fire to The Rain

The Scousers are crazy for Craig, including his favourite chip shop, who is outraged “Gary Barlow’s serving him lettuce”.  I think Adele songs are to be avoided for the moment; they are too closely identified with her. He does well though.

Everyone loves it.

And the lines are open!

Who I think will go home: The Risk

Who should go home: Frankie

See you for the results tomorrow!

The X Factor Live Shows: Rock Night

I'm in the USA (and my sister got married last night!) so I haven't watched the X Factor yet however the lovely Annee has done an X Factor Live Show recap on my behalf!

So, it's Rock Night on the X Factor, this should be fun...or not!

I'm also glad that Tulisa has got rid of the blonde roots, they were not pretty at all!  The judges all looked sweeeeet tonight, although Gary's tie?? Looks like I just knitted it in the ad break, is this a new trend??  I hope so I have some black wool upstairs!

First up tonight was Marcus Collins, his song choice was Lenny Kravitz - Are you gonna go my way.  I'm not a huge Marcus fan and I didn't rate him much last week but after a shaky start tonight he was actually not too bad and looked very comfortable rocking with the dancers.  I must add though, his ripped teeshirt was a tad vile!

Next up was the sweet sweet flame haired angel, Janet Devlin whose song was Sweet child of mine - Guns and Roses.  OK she wasn't totally rocking out but her take on the song was brill, she is my favourite of this year.  She also looked fab and was wearing a Stella & Dot Pegasus Necklace!

Uh Oh, here comes Sami Brookes... OK this girl can sing, but I think she wowed everyone at the auditions and she hasn't brought anything else to the table since then.  I think we just expect her to be good and she is but she doesn't blow me away.  Her rendition of Cher - If I could turn back time was good but nothing special.  The X Factor stylist still hasn't got it yet... bring in Gok please, I could see the lines of her spanx through the leather dress!


Rhythmix next, they don't excite me and I really don't get how they sang a mix of two Pop songs, Ke$ha - Tik Tok and Salt n Pepa - Push it, and could class that as Rock!  The vocals were pretty poor and even when singing together you could hear that one or two of them were shaky and out of tune!  They also look like they just took a tumble in a jumble sale!

Pretty girl Sophie Habibis turned Rock song Living on a prayer - Bon Jovi into a ballad, she was pretty nervous and you could see it in her eyes and hear it in some notes but she did look amazing!  I like Sophie she has a great voice and I hope she finds her zone soon so she can shine!

Craig Colton, the guy who chews up his face as he sings.  Tonight he looks as if he has a bird's nest on his head, he so needs a hair cut!  OK I think this guy can sing but he sang Oasis - Stop crying your heart out, and I hate Oasis, totally loathe them.  So he could have sang this song perfectly and amazing but I still wouldn't have liked it, sorry! 

Peering through my hands as I'm scared to see what she is wearing this week it's....Kitty Brucknell singing Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney (covered by Guns n Roses).  Are the X Factor stylists trying to make Kitty look like Lady Gaga?  Kitty was a bit rubbish to start off but once the song built up and she could let go she was good!  I like Kitty and I don't like her all at the same time!  I think she looks kinda weird, small eyes and her make up doesn't really compliment them.

Frankie Cocozza, the guy whos hair I'd LOVE to take clippers too and also maybe throw him in a bath!  I so don't get him AT ALL, he is total crap.  Tonight he is singing Get your rocks off - Primal Scream and all I can think is - pull your trousers up you've got a saggy crotch and I can see your horrid underwear.  I don't have anything good to say about this guy, he's got to go soon!  AND what was his entrance all about, does he think he's already a star?!

The Risk singing Gnarls Barkley - Crazy... Oh I don't think I liked this, did I just see them looking at each other thinking WTF?  Nooooo they are pleading the sick card, don't you just hate that?  Someone is out of tune and they play the sick card!

Heeeerrrrreeee's Johnny!  Johnny Robinson, aww you gotta love Johnny he is such a nice person and you just want to feed him up!  I'm loving Johnny singing I believe in a thing called love - The Darkness.  He isn't the best performer to look at when he's performing a Rock song as he is a bit camp which is bizarre but he sounds great tonight and he strangely done great with that song.... I am so pleased he didn't say 'Vogue' at the end!  Go Johnny, you RAWK!!!

Misha B, yeah she's a Rock chic and she rocked Prince's Purple Rain!  She also had fab eye make up!  Not much else to say as she was good.  I try not to read the press and what happens backstage and I try and focus on the singing as that's what the competition is about.... I'm not interested in how much of a diva this girl is or what goes on backstage, that's just me.

That's the X Factor over for another week, I predict that Rhythmix and Sophie will be the bottom two... The best performance tonight for me was Misha B and the worse was Rhythmix.

The X Factor: First Public Vote

Can someone please tell Tulisa to stop with the tattoo arm pose? Its not big and its not clever. Her hair is 10,000 times better and I'm glad she read my post last week and saw that we all hated the reverse roots :) This week's X Factor  theme is "love and heartbreak" so I expect some Alanis and Winehouse but I doubt I will get it.

Nu Vibe:

I'll be honest I don't have high expectations for them especially after watching the US X Factor where the calibre of talent is just way better. That first bit of "harmonizing" (I use that term loosely) was just awful. I love "With or Without You" and this faux-dance version is not doing it for me. Are they trying to style themselves as a clubby/dancey group because it isn't believable.

Sammi Brookes:

They still haven't quite figured out her styling have they? The longer hair is more flattering but the metallic shrug is not doing her any favours. In my opinion if your name ain't Whitney or Dolly you should never sing this song because it will never live up to the expectations of your audience. She sang it okay enough but no emotion and no performance; if I wanted to just see someone sing I'd watch myself do karaoke in a mirror. X Factor is about more than singing you know what I mean?

Craig Colton: 

Will someone please tell him that he can not pull off the neck waggle reserved for only the fiercest of sisters? Just because you are singing a Beyonce song does not mean you can use her gestures. He's so worried about waving his hands and screwing up his face and perfecting his snarl that the vocals are just blah. I really would like to fast forward. I'm not loving it at all.

Janet Devlin:

She literally gave me goosebumps with that first phrase. Her voice is just so sweet and pleasant to listen to and if you haven't guessed already I am a big fan of hers. The song was a bit slow and sleepy for my personal tastes but I still love her.

Frankie Cocozza:

First off is he wearing jeggings and tails? Sack the stylist. He is doing his talk-whisper thing again and isn't singing the song. He didn't sing and it wasn't good. Shortest recap ever.

Johnny Robinson:

We all know he performs in Drag so why do they keep hinting at it and just let him come out as his alter ego? I almost feel like it could possibly work if he was in drag. Scratch that he just came into the chorus and the singing is just, wow. I will not be able to get this out of my head for a long time unfortunately. WTF! Why did he say "vogue" at the end?!?!?!

Marcus Collins:

I really don't like the flaming hands behind him because in my mind that just alludes to domestic violence; maybe I'm reading to far into it but the flaming hand and Rihanna song I just don't like the visual. It also says a lot that I'm noticing the backdrop more than his vocals. He doesn't pull of serious or dramatic very well; I didn't believe what he was singing and that last note was not pretty. Also it looks like he has on a toupee tonight.

Rhythmix:

Is this really a love song? It's not a heartache song-- its about a girl who can't commit right? Does that really qualify it for the theme? If they were going to stretch the theme they could have picked a much better song. The styling, again, is atrocious especially on Jesy I think her name is--why is she always wearing MC Hammer pants? I liked them last week but this week I wasn't feeling it.

Misha B:

There are rumours in the papers that Kelly had to bitch her out and knock her down a few pegs for talking shit to the crew and it doesn't surprise me especially with that little VT saying she wants to make all the backstage proud.  Do you think she's smuggling nuts in her shoulder pads because she looks like the Purple One from Quality Street. She can sing but her attitude just turns me off.

The Risk:

The violins and music is louder than their vocals or is it just me with my wonky hearing? Half of them have no emotion in their faces and the other half have totally cheesy-fake looks on their faces. I feel like this song is so overdone and if you are going to do it then make me believe it. I still don't think they gel well as a group but apparently girls think they are attractive (?) so they could still be around for a bit.

Sophie Habibis:

Why are they trying to make her jazzy in a Norah Jones sort of way? She can sing for sure but I just feel like Kelly has been failing her with song choices and stylings. She looks pretty tonight (minus the white eyeshadow when she blinks) but again no real emotion behind the vocals and certainly not strong enough yet to stand up there on her own and belt it. Just feel a bit short; she has the goods but she needs to bring more to the plate than just her voice.

Kitty Brucknell:

Why is she wearing a wig in her VT? Is that really necessary? Oh and another wig in the performance. I need to do some full disclosure here before I continue on (I've paused the TV and everything)-- I've sang this song before. I've sang this song on stage before for a show in high school and I have very fond memories of it. My opinions therefore may be even more biased than usual. Okay disclosure over. I do not understand the Alice in Wonderland theme and it doesn't add to the performance. She's trying WAY too hard and it does not work. I won't go as far as to say that I did it better but umm yea you can come to that conclusion if you like.

My Predictions for the Bottom:

NuVibe, Marcus, Rhythmix

The X Factor: First Live Show

The X Factor is live and the first theme is "Britain vs. America" which isn't really a theme at all since 90% of music on the radio is from the US or UK. It's like saying tonight's theme is "Fast vs. Slow;" either have a proper theme or don't okay?


The Big Twist isn't bringing back contestants after all (so why was Kelly Rowland in Fife?) but instead there will be no public vote this week. They used to do the same waaay back in the early days of American Idol so not that exciting if you ask me. Bring on the singing!


Amelia Lily

What is with the pink hair? First the girl on BINTM and now her as well? I do think she looks loads better with less make-up. Who lets a 16 year old go bleach blonde and wear 2 tons of makeup? Oh for the love of Bubbles she's singing Billie Jean? I love Michael Jackson and I love a bit of punk-rock covers but this is just not well thought out and it is NOT good.  Also pink hair plus red jacket clashes in my book; just saying.




Johnny Robinson

Okay so I'm guessing the X Factor vocal coach didn't get a chance to teach him about singing from his chest and not his nose? I feel bad for him because honestly he's not good enough to be on the stage. I guess Louis is treating him like Wagner 2.0 and figure that is he goes camp enough with enough dancers in tight clothes he'll go through. He does look like he is having the time of his life though so good for him I guess? OMG did you see Kelly's polite tennis clap? LOVE IT.


Rhythmix

I'm going to go ahead and say it I was more impressed with Sophia Grace singing Super Bass than these girls and her rapping skills were way better. If you aren't a rapper you should not try to rap. The harmony at the end was good but just didn't make any sense. Also what is up with Tulisa's blonde roots with brown hair? Is that a new trend I've missed because it looks really stupid.


Frankie Cocozza

First I have to say I HATE his hair; comb-overs are don't look good on old men nor do they look good young men. I also hate this song; I thought it was that whiny James Blunt until I listened and realized it was about drugs and Officer Blunt wouldn't dare sing about drugs. I'd have to say using the term "sing" to describe what Frankie did tonight is stretching it; he just huskily spoke through it and I did not like it. Real artist Gary? Not so much.


Sophie Habibis

Didn't Kelly say she was singing a song by the biggest act in the UK right now? Did I not hear her right? I was expecting Adele not the very American Katy Perry. She looks great and her shoes are freaking amazing but I think they've slowed the song down too much. Sophie can obviously sing but it's just too sleepy for my taste. If Simon was there he'd say it was indulgent.


Jonjo Kerr

Even the girls grinding without their poles behind him can't distract from how bad this is. He does not have the voice, style or confidence to pull off the Kinks. Does anyone remember Tabby from the 1st series of the X Factor? He could sing the Kinks, Jonjo can not. The buttoned up suit did not work at all with the song either.


Two Shoes

I'm glad they got out of the car because you couldn't see them but then they got out and I saw they had on 25lbs pounds of makeup. Oy. It's not bad but it also sounds exactly like the original version. I don't really have much else to say which can't be a good thing. I second Kelly though; where the hell is Romford?




James Michael

I don't remember him from any of the audition shows and based on this I'm not surprised. It's so ho-hum and not powerful I just want to fast forward. Another slowed down, sleepy song that has been changed up for the worse. If you are going to sing something as classic as a Beatles song you have to kill it; he didn't kill it he murdered it.




Misha B

Another "biggest artist in the UK" from Kelly; I'm thinking Adele again but will assume its another American.  Okay it is Adele but why is she dressed like what I imagine Rupert Murdoch would look like in drag--part newspaper, part evil queen? She's not a bad singer but she's very affected and over stylised in her singing which makes it very unpleasant to listen to if I'm honest.


Nu Vibe

Okay first I have to say normally when I hear this song I change the station or the channel. I can not and will not support Chris Brown in any way shape or form. I really, really hope he is not getting any royalties or benefits from them singing this song. I don't boycott much but I boycott him.  Now that is out of the way I think their performance was old fashioned and they were trying too hard to look like a boy band and the vocals fell flat. Even the styling seems so five years ago; except for the main guy's crustache ala Colour me Badd which is so 20 years ago.


Marcus Collins

I think he looks really good but the performance is very karaoke. Don't get me wrong I love karaoke but that's not what this show is about. His phrasing is off and it's just not the best vocal I've heard in my life. While I think he is really cute it did not do it for me.






Sami Brookes

Why is she actually done up like a drag queen? I'm the first to admit I wish I was a drag queen myself but I really do not think her styling or makeup is flattering in any way shape or form. The X Factor has a really bad habit of putting anyone over a size 10 in shapeless black sacks of varying lengths (see Mary from last year) and I do not like it. What the frickity frak did she do with her mouth at the end there? If Simon was there he'd say it was a "cruise ship" performance.


The Risk

We've never heard them sing together before and I think if we had they wouldn't be here. Their voices just don't really mesh well together. Again if you can't rap- DON'T RAP; I think bad rapping might be my new pet peeve. I'm not a fan and at this stage and can't see them sticking around very long. Did the judges hear something totally different from me? I'm actually shocked that they liked it so much.


Craig Colton

I hope they break him of that lip snarl habit quickly; why do contestants do that? It doesn't look big, clever or cute. I have no idea what song he is singing which makes it really hard for me to connect and get into it. He can sing but there is no connection. WHAT THE F WAS THAT?!?! That strange whipsery, almost crying drama break in the middle before the crescendo? Who said that was okay? That put me right off; I wasn't committed from the start and that killed it for me.


Kitty Brucknell

Did she get botox? Her forehead and eyebrows look freakishly smooth and frozen. She looks like a waxwork! She's not the worst singer but all the theatrics and styling is only something you can pull of once you are an established artist. Did you notice how no one clapped at first? It's because they didn't know WTF to say! Her voice was fine but the performance was just really out of place and she so wants to be Gaga right?


Janet Devlin

I absolutely hate her Dale Evans outfit but holy shit is she the best by a mile. The song choice is amazing and completely shows off the vulnerability and innocence in her voice. It was totally stunning and she's my early pick to win the X Factor. She has a little case of Diana Vickers hands but otherwise perfect. Also how is it she sounds more Irish singing than she does speaking? So cute!




All photos from ITV.com

X Factor: First Live Show Recap

So I used to live tweet the X-Factor and have blogged about it before, but I pretty much Sky+ every show these days so here is my recap of the X-Factor, but in a live blog style!

GAMU WAS ROBBED!!!! I could care less about the other wildcards to be honest! I have 1 degree of separation from Gamu, so maybe I’m a bit more pissed off if there was zero connection, but umm I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

Is the girl in the Yeo Valley rap Alex from Britain’s Next Top model who won a few years ago? How much does a commercial that long on the first X Factor live show cost do you think? Okay time to fast-forward!


FYD

Does that guy need those glasses or is it just a really bad fashion choice? A bow-tie necklace? A sleeveless hoodie? Really? Can you tell I’m not digging their fashion choices? I think what that says more so is that I’m not impressed with the vocals since I’m looking at what they are wearing so much! I’m not a huge fan of this song to begin with and I’m not loving their version or performance, it’s just well boring. I agree with Danni they were moving around too much, it was like high school musical or something.

VERDICT: They don’t get my vote, but I don’t begrudge Simon for putting them through. They went first so always possible they will end up in the bottom.


Matt Cardle:

Does Matt only own one hat? I think I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t have it on tonight on stage. I like him, but jeez buy a new hat. There it is! I knew the hat would be there. I really like him, but umm this is not starting out good at all. I’m really not enjoying this and are his pants too long in the crotch? Okay his falsetto is good, but I don’t know something just doesn’t feel right and certainly doesn’t sound right. Ugh he just dropped down in my esteem doing those “praying hand thank you” gestures; I find it sooo annoying when people do that! It always seems fake and wankerish to me. Apparently everyone loved that except for me, oh well!

VERDICT: I do still like him, despite his unfortunate gesturing and lack of hat diversity and I hope he makes it through to next week to redeem himself.

John Adeleye:

I didn’t think he was good enough to go through to be honest and just went through because he was one of the least delusional over 28’s. Ugh, no stage presence and no power behind his voice. I want to fast-forward through the rest of his song because I just don’t care. Okay I did just fast-forward, he wasn’t worth my time, sorry! The theme is number ones tonight? The fact that it is New Zealand’s number one makes me chuckle because it make me think of the Conchords.

VERDICT: Won’t vote for him and I would have preferred someone more talented or a bit crazy, but not the elf guy he scared me!

Rebecca Ferguson:

I hope they threw her ponytail weave and false lashes in the trash; ponytail clip on hair is the worst! Oh wow she is super nervous isn’t she? Okay so they just upgraded her to a nicer quality ponytail weave—it looks better, but umm come on it’s still clip on hair! Her eyelashes are much better though. She doesn’t seem very comfortable up there and it’s not bad, but it’s not exciting. I think a lot of this has to do with song choice, it just seems not very “now.” I agree with Simon, she needs to be younger and more fun.

VERDICT: I want to see her having fun and singing something funkier and younger.

Storm Lee:

Playing up the Scottishness in hopes of regional votes already huh Louis? Why oh why did he dye his head neon red? Who said that looks good (if anyone mentions I dated someone with that color hair I will plead misguided youth)? Umm does he have a multi-coloured glitter eyeband painted on his face? I do think he is a really good singer but it’s all such an act with the glitter and red hair and umm GIMP DANCERS?!?!?! What the F is up with the dancers? I’m also not sure why you’d sing a Starship song, it makes it all a little bit like an 80’s tribute act. I totally agree with Cheryl the image is way too much. VERDICT: I always support Scotland, especially when they are talented. I hope he tones it down a bit next week or at least doesn’t go so 80’s.

Belle Amie:

Girl bands notoriously do poorly so I think “Airplanes” is a good choice because people might vote because they like the song. Is it me or does it seem like their mics aren’t turned up very loud? I feel like their vocals are coming across really quietly, but I don’t think they are soft singers if that makes sense. I just noticed there are two jumpsuits in the band and I am NOT a fan of jumpsuits.

VERDICT: I don’t think they were horrible, but girl bands don’t normally get votes easily so I wouldn’t be surprised if they wound up in the bottom for that reason. Hopefully since their song choice is a current hit they’ll be okay.

Cher Lloyd:

Oh she’s in my bad books for stealing a place from Gamu when she had such a crap performance at judges’ houses and for saying she made up a rap that she didn’t. Ew harem pants weren’t cool when MC Hammer wore them and they are not cool now. Is it me or is her rapping just sorta slighty shouty talking? The whole thing is just awful and I’d fast forward but I want to see if it gets worse. I honestly don’t really know the song and maybe that is part of it but I don’t like it.

VERDICT: The judges all loved it, I hated it, so who knows what the public will think. She’ll need to pull it out next week to win me over.

Diva Fever:

I think these two are super likeable and fun, but they haven’t been more other than camp karaoke up until now. Okay if you are going to wear a sequin suit it should be tailored to fit you properly. Maybe I’m mistaken but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a sequin suit shop where you can pick one up; I think if one wants a sequin suit it must be bespoke. Why the outfit change to biker shorts? Do you think Simon is trying to make us think of “Pineapple Dance Studios?” The one wee guy sang okay, but the other guy didn’t really sing at all and when he did it wasn’t nice.

VERDICT: I think some people might vote for them because camp things are trendy right now, but they are not the best singers and I think they know that.

Paije Richardson:

That jacket is horrendous. Who is the stylist on this show? 90% of the acts have looked awful tonight! I don’t know if the background music is too loud or the change of pronouns is putting me off, but I’m not enjoying it. Also he should not attempt to dance or walk because he is out of breath and out of time after only 20 seconds of moving around.

VERDICT: I don’t think he is bad, but I think he thinks he is a lot better than he is. I don’t know who’s vote he’d really get so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him in the bottom.

Katie Waissel:

Ugh she really annoys me and has from the beginning. She’s also in the bad books for stealing a place from Gamu after she couldn’t even sing a whole song and SHE ALREADY HAS A RECORD DEAL AND HAD A REALITY TV SHOW! Can you tell I can’t stand her? What the F is she wearing and why is she singing a song that she tried to sing at auditions? Is she really playing the piano or just pretending? I’m leaning towards just pretending since her hands have barely moved. I really don’t like her voice and can barely hear it over the music at a lot of points. I so agree with Louis: more style or substance and I will add on and say that that style makes no sense. Ooh Danni agrees with me!

VERDICT: I think people will either love or hate her and I hope more hate her and she goes home. Yea I’m not budging on this one.


Mary Byrne:

She seems really at home on the stage even if her facial expressions and gestures are a bit over the top. I think she is one of those singers who thinks singing louder means they are singing better, but I think it works for her on this song choice. I think her makeover, which is really just makeup and a good haircut is really good and even though she’s in some sort of pant-suit thingy, I kinda like it.

VERDICT: She will so be here next week, no question and I don’t think she’ll ever have to work at Tesco again.


Nicolo Festa:

Does he have a cold sore in his VT? Ew!!! I think he’s like an Italian, singing Chuck Bass if that makes any sense. He is a little shit who think’s he’s the shit and somehow that kinda works for him. I don’t think the singing is bad, but it’s also not exciting or impressing me. I don’t really have anything else to say.

VERDICT: I think he might be in the bottom, but maybe not since he sang Lady Gaga.


One Direction:

I think little girls will LOVE these boys. When i was a little girl I remember calculating how much older celebrities I crushed on were than I was and thinking “Oh Mark Paul Gosselaar is only 6 years older than me, so that’s totally possible.” Since they are all under 18 I think little girls will love them and even as an adult I can say at least 2 of them are pretty cute (don’t call me a cougar). First off I’m not a huge Coldplay fan, so I’m not loving the song choice. I think they are actually singing together quite well, but their movements/gestures are a bit too heavy handed and forced.

VERDICT: They will be here next week no question. Little girls and old ladies are who vote for the X-Factor.



Wagner:

First I’m so glad it looks like they gave him a deep conditioning treatment; his frizzy hair grossed me out. She Bangs segwaying into Love Shack after a bongo solo? I don’t know if it is his accent, but I just can’t even slightly take this guy seriously and throw in that bizarre medley and not a chance.

VERDICT: Bottom three.

Aiden Grimshaw:

He looks like he is about to kill someone! His facial expressions and his grip on the mic are way too intense for my liking. I know Mad World is a dark, intense song but this is waaay over the top. Also come on no one, NO ONE, can top Adam Lambert’s version of Mad World from American Idol Season 9; it can not be done.

VERDICT: He sang it well, but he creeped me out and he’s no Glambert.


Treyc Cohen:

I won’t be mad her that she’s the wildcard and Gamu isn’t, I will keep my bitterness for Katie and Cher. I’m not loving the messy hair, greased up legs or the styling in general, but HELLO baby’s got back. She can definitely sing, but honestly I don’t know if that’s good enough on these shows. It was good song choice for her vocal range, but I don’t know if it will make people vote.

VERDICT: She does deserve to be there, but I wouldn’t be shocked if she was in the bottom three.