Friday 10 June 2011

Feminist Friday VIII: Raising a Feminist Child

There are things I know I do as a mother because I am a feminist. I don't let gender stereotypes influence my purchases or decisions  for Blondie Boy. I don't let my being a mother define me; even though it is a very big part of who I am, it is not all I am. However, when I stop to think about raising Blondie Boy as a feminist, well I get a bit stuck.


If I was raising a daughter I think maybe it would be more straight forward, but how do you raise a feminist son?  The best I can come up with is that his father and I set a good example of what feminists are.  I think a lot of it is pretty easy. We teach him he can be anything he wants to be and support him in whatever he wants to do whether it's what culture deems to be "gender appropriate" or not.  


He's just 17 months so how to raise him a feminist isn't something that really comes into play at the moment.  When I mentioned to a colleague how much he loved Lady Gaga she asked if I was worried that this was giving him a poor template of what a beautiful woman is.  I'll give you that Gaga is very thin, but he doesn't see Gaga as anything other than someone who sings songs that he likes.  I realize as he gets older I will have to temper what the media shows him and help counteract the poor messages most mainstream media sends out about women.


For right now I think all I can do is be a feminist myself and let him follow the example his father and I set for him.  Sure someday I know I'll have to get into it more deeply with him. I'd hope though if I teach him what's right and wrong, how to respect others and all the other things you should teach a child regardless that he'd find his feminist identity on his own. 


I don't think my parents particularly set out to raise a feminist daughter, but they certainly have one (if not two) of them now.  I'd like to think that positive and supportive parents raise feminist children whether they set out to or not.  Or am I being too naïve?

Raising a Feminist Child








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15 comments:

Melaina25 said...

Gotta say - love this discussion. I have a 7 year old daughter and we don't use the word "feminist" when we think of how we raise her. But we do want her to be empowered and not for a moment think that a difference in gender means any less right to do something or any more right to be rude.

Melaina25 said...

Is it a conscious decision not to use the word feminist or just that you haven't claimed your feminist identities?

Either way it's great to hear a male perspective!

Melaina25 said...

I think you are right it would be easier with a girl. x

Melaina25 said...

I am trying to do this with boys-- not easy but worth it. 

Melaina25 said...

And we love Lady Gaga- what's not to like about someone bolshy who sticks up for herself? AND she loves glitter.

Melaina25 said...

It's no so much that it would be easier with a daughter, but maybe more straight forward?

Melaina25 said...

Blondie Boy just loves her music! We had three OAPs singing/dancing to "Bad Romance" with him last week :)

Melaina25 said...

Hi love this idea. I have written my post but for some reason can't link up!
http://jojokirtley.blogspot.com/2011/06/oh-my-son-is-soooo-feminist.html
cheers xxxx

Melaina25 said...

My little one is still not a year old, and you're right it's harder to think concretely about what to do to raise a feminist son. But the more I think about it, the more I'm sure I want my son to grow up with certain values. I want him to be a gentleman like his dad. I want him to be secure and respectful of himself and of others. Mostly I really try to not push him into heavily gender-stereotyped roles, and hope to teach to him to question assumptions as he gets older.  Hopefully this will be a good start for him to value all people (male, female, young, old, straight, gay, whatever...) 

Melaina25 said...

You're all linked up! Thanks for finding us and taking part :)

Melaina25 said...

I think you're right. Right now it's just about teaching him to be a good person, but as they grow older we'll have to counteract the messages the media send them. I think both our boys are lucky to have excellent examples in their fathers :)

Melaina25 said...

I don't think it's a matter of which is "easier.  I think the challenges are just different. 

Melaina25 said...

What you said about not letting mother hood define you really resonated.  I got stuck trying to express that.  I think it's small steps and staying ahead of the game too.  you've really got me thinking about raising my boy now, timely for us, thanks!  

Melaina25 said...

Thanks AR. I think it's very easy for society to define women as mothers and nothing else.  I think it's our job to remind people while we love being mothers that we are still more that "just" mothers and that having an identity outside of being a mother doesn't make us love our children any less.

Melaina25 said...

I love love loooove this. I think thats the best thing you can do, let him follow your example by being a kick-ass feminist mama. Have you seen the picture with the "feminist dad" look it up if you haven't, it's beautiful. :)


xo,
Kylie