Sunday, 15 April 2012

The Three F's

I've got the three F's: funky, fat and fed up. I could have probably added in fucked off but y'all didn't need to know what a potty mouth I really have if you don't already.


Funk. I'm in a funk. I wish I could elaborate more than that but that's it. I'm just in a weird funky mood and can't get out of it. If you wanted to label me as depressed that could probably work but as in the past my personal depression/anxiety has manifested much worse I'm not going to call it that.


Fat. Yes I'm fat. Now don't start in on me here because everyone's definition of fat is different but I'm up a jeans size. I've mentioned before how I own jeans in varying sizes from 10-18 and right now that is a good thing because I'm not fitting in the ones I *should* be. I'm not liking how things fit on me and I'm feeling heavy so I need to get off my fat ass and do something about it. The gym is literally a one minute drive away so I just need to do it already.  I also need to stop eating like an idiot and eat healthily. Of course I bought a box of Betty Crocker Angel Food mix at TK Maxx today because I could so I'm obviously not in that big of a rush. I'm going to need to be in a swimsuit in two weeks so I should start sooner than later.


Fed up. I could have also called this bit Friendless. Extreme? Eh not so much. The not so glamorous side of being an expat (what is the glam side again?) is that all your friends are thousands of miles and an ocean away. I desperately miss my friends to the point where I'm a sad sack thinking about it and crying while I type. I love my friends. They are ride or die, amazing friends who love me not despite all my eccentricities but for them. I don't have to explain myself or act a certain way I can just be me. I miss them to the point that I ridiculously and incorrectly begin to resent NotBlondeHusband for having friends that he can go out and do things with regularly. Homesickness is something all expats have to deal with from time to time and I'm some what crushed with it at the moment.


So yea. I've got the F's. I honestly don't really know what to do about it. I've started stripping the pink out of my hair but I'm not really sure how that will affect anything. I've recognized that I need to get healthy but I haven't done anything about it so not much there.  Friends well what can I do; it isn't like I'm some introverted, shy person who doesn't like to meet new people---I'm precisely the opposite. But now I'm just whining and I hate whining.


 So why did I write this? I don't know. Maybe if I get it out of my head it is a step closer to breaking out of it.

22 comments:

Makaila said...

mmmmm... been right there with ya lately mama.  i don't know what it is.  pre-summer funk?  breaking out of winter's hibernation?  i don't know.  but i feel for you.  dedicate a week to eating good and working out.  i've found some great 10min workouts i can do right off the laptop.  it's worth it.  it makes you feel better.  F for Fight!  Fight those blues.  :)  

sandra said...

I know how you feel. I miss my friends and family so much, that I cry like  a baby when I think about it. Being an expat is not easy... About getting healthy... I went from a size 12 to 22 when I was pregnant! YES! Shocking, I know. 2 weeks after delivery I was a size 18 and now, 10 months later- I am still a size 18 and I hate myself!

Melaina25 said...

I've been totally happy at this size before but I've also lost over 50lbs and got down to an 8 before. I don't want to be an 8 but I do want to feel comfortable in my own skin you know? Big expat hugs xoxo

Melaina25 said...

I like F for fight! I just need a routine; well a routine of other than just not sleeping before 3am :)

Andrea said...

Hugs Ryan, I totally get it xx

www.andreaythomas.blogspot.com

Melaina25 said...

 Thanks Andrea. Hope it is okay I edited my name xoxo

Rachel said...

I totally get the 3fs and think I'm having them right now. I'm starting to get on my own nerves as I just feel in such a negative place right now. But we must kick ourselves up the arse! Cos let's face it , no other bugger will. How to do it? Hmmm I'm still working on that one ;) but just know there's someone out there who feels the same and hopes you tell the 3f's to eff off soon :) x

Melaina25 said...

Thanks Rachel. I feel like an ass even blogging about it since it isn't crippling or debilitating but it is affecting me. To be honest social media is just making me grumpier and grumpier!

mtendere said...

Sorry you're having a rough patch.  Hope you figure out how to find your way out of it soon.  I know that being away from friends is tough.  Mine aren't quite so far away, but they are far enough to understand the feeling.  I know I should work harder at building better relationships here, but it's not so easy, is it?  

Claire Bump Wear Variety said...

Had to stop lurking and just write a quick comment to say I know how u feel. I've had the fs at points in my life and it's quite frankly shit. And worse still, no easy answers xxx

mrs b @crankymonkeys in london said...

Are there no other American expats in Glasgow? Or moms from playgroups, etc.?  I have made so many friends here in London through my kids' school/nursery and the local Estonian community. I'm sure new friends will come along when your little one starts nursery or school.

As for the other two Fs - I only have one suggestion that I preach every opportunity I get - quit sugar (and artificial sweeteners).  It has changed my life.  I no longer overeat because I have quit the overeating trigger from my life.  Other than that - walk a lot!  Spring is coming and a nice brisk walk in fresh air can do wonders for our mental and physical wellbeing :)

(P.S. Other people I know have very successfully used Thinking Slimmer system to tackle food cravings, etc....)

Melaina25 said...

I'm sure there are Americans but not any big groups that I know of really other than the American Women's Club. I joined when I first came over and while they were all very nice they we did not have much in common and I really just ended up babysitting their kids. Mother and Baby groups in my area tend to be populated by those who are mandated to go by their social worker.

My problem isn't so much overeating or cravings but just I eat crap because it is easier and quicker. I just need to buy healthy stuff and actually get exercise. Thanks for your advice x

Melaina25 said...

Thanks Claire. At least I got you to stop lurking :)

Melaina25 said...

No it isn't and when you have no work colleagues it makes thinks even tougher really. I have met people before but you can only chase people to hang out or do things so much before you just stop.

Adele Jarrett-Kerr said...

I don't know if you find, like me, that it's easy to meet people but finding real depth of relationship takes time. Sometimes I wish it would just happen overnight the way it seemed to when I was at university. Sorry you're in a funk. Wishing you out soon.

Melaina25 said...

I can chat to just about anyone if I'm honest. I'm one of those people that little old ladies talk to on the bus because they are lonely and I've smiled at them. I have no problem meeting and chatting to people but finding/maintaining friends is just tough. Especially when my office mates are a toddler and a dog!

Rae Gun said...

sending hugs. I've totally been there on all accounts. The last time I felt friendless I joined a sewing class (not intending to make friends, just cause it sounded fun) and that ends up being the source of many of my friends right now. I was in the exact same triple F blahs before that and tired of just being sort of friends iwth my hubby's friend's girlfriends. But yeah for me getting into a hobby in a community way helped me connect with people that were more like me. Hope things turn around soon.

streaglette said...

Sending hugs across the Atlantic.  I was feeling that way a little bit ago, and all I thought was, "If Blondie was here, she'd totally cheer me up!". It can be hard even living in the same place for the last decade, and I can't imagine how much harder it must be from a distance.
That said, you'll feel better soon. I have faith. And hopefully we can Skype this weekend :) 

Susan Mann said...

Sorry honey, hope you feel better soon. Here for you lovely xx

Melaina25 said...

Thanks; I used to go to yoga and hoped to meet people there but they all seemed to be paired off already :(

Melaina25 said...

Well we do share a brain so that makes sense :)

Melaina25 said...

Thanks. Hopefully this holiday perks me up!