Feminist Friday: Hairy vs. Hairless

Anti Pervert Hairy Leggings

It all started two months ago with those stupid freaking hairy "anti-pervert" leggings. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that permeated my Facebook news stream with comments of "haha" and "eww." The ones that were billed to keep unwanted male attention at bay. Those stupid freaking leggings drove me to a feminist rage that put me on threat level explosive. I hate them. Even more so I hated that no one else around me seemed to understand that they weren't funny and they weren't gross but were the epitome of patriarchal bullshit and  perpetuated the beauty myth while not so subtly victim blaming.

So if you don't want "perverts" perving on you then you should have hairy legs. So obviously hairless legs are the only attractive thing to have; if you have hairy legs you're gross and even the perviest perv will leave you be. I've talked about hairlessness and what society tells us is beautiful before so I'm not going to rage on too long here--on the grand scale of how fucked up these leggings are it's the lesser of all the evils.

Women "have" to wear these leggings to stop perverts. Why can't the perverts stop themselves? Even suggesting that they will stop unwanted attention suggests that any unwanted attention is the fault of the woman being harassed and not the harasser--victim blaming and not even vaguely subtle about it. I'll also take it so far as to say they perpetuate the belief that rape is about sex when rape has nothing to do with sex and is about power. If you're a pretty, hairless girl you could get perved on so you need to protect yourself by making yourself ugly and hairy so no man would ever want to harass or perv on you. Obviously unattractive women are never raped or harassed, duh. 

I promise they're really hairy.

Those freaking hairy leggings pissed me off so much I decided to say fuck it and I would grow my own pair of leggings and challenge my own thoughts about hairy legs and say fuck you to the man. One little problem though--I can't shake that feeling that other people are judging me and my hairy legs and I really don't like it.

In general I've been okay about it. I've gone to swimming pools, worn dresses without tights to work, but I've also been somewhat hyper-conscious of what I think is other people staring at my legs. I'll be fine and not think about it but then cross my legs in a meeting and think that everyone is looking at my legs and how hairy they are. It doesn't help that hair in general grosses me out and I don't know if that is just a personal hang-up or societal norms rearing their ugly head but I can't embrace and love my hairy legs like I would in some utopian feminist fantasy. Maybe two months isn't long enough to break my subconscious subservience to societal norms but I'm not anywhere near 100% secure about having hairy legs.

I find myself apologizing for them, too. To the girl who waxes my eyebrows to friends when I'm out for drinks--they all say the same thing about how blonde I am and they hand't even noticed. They couldn't have not shaved for two months but I still can't reconcile it. I want to be happy, hairy and care-free but for whatever reason I'm fairly sure I'm at the end of my hairy journey. Although I have to say writing this and "coming out" with my hairy legs has made me feel a bit better about it all.  Still though feeling the wind blow between your leg hairs isn't a particularly pleasant experience.

It's increasingly difficult to reconcile my feminist beliefs with my own personal beauty beliefs but I hope I can fall back on my most favourite feminist belief--choice. I chose to have hairy legs and at some point I'm going to choose to have hairless legs again. Sure my choices are partially informed by what society tells me I should do but if I buck the norm and still don't like it surely making an informed choice is worth something? 



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Guest Post: Does This Feminism Make My Butt Look Big?

Feminist Friday is on hiatus this week but instead I bring you this guest post from my fellow expat and general bad-ass the Stay at Home Babe. We met for the first time this summer and I have a feeling if we lived closer we'd get up to some major hi-jinx and I'd make her cook me dinner at least once a week :)

When good old Blondie asked me to guest post, I immediately started brainstorming ideas. Our blogs aren’t completely similar: I like profanity. A lot. I also talk about my vagina in a much less anatomical way than she speaks of hers.


But there are several common grounds to our lives and therefore our writing. We’re both American transplants to the UK. We’re both suckers for our husbands’ accents. We both love blogging, motherhood, womanhood and food. In fact, the first things that popped into my mind were Oreos and feminism. 


So, I thought I’d be honest about my struggle with being a modern-day feminist and a foodie at the same time. It sounds like a weird combo to be conflicted about, right? 


When I was growing up, my mother worked full-time and it seemed like she was too busy to cook. As an adult, I know that she was home in plenty of time to make supper, she just didn’t. But still, I grew up thinking successful, strong, career-minded, feminist women weren’t barefoot in the kitchen. 


For now, I’m a stay-at-home mom. I LOVE to cook. I love the planning, choosing of ingredients. I love the preparation and combining of flavors. I love the process of cooking and of course… I love eating. Food is a very big thing for me. 


It means I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and a lot of my identity gets wrapped up in this fact that I’m a good cook and someone who enjoys feeding friends and family. It makes me sound like such a mom. It took me a very long time not to think that sounded like a complimentary-insult. 


It also means that if I’m not really careful, I end up ten to fifteen pounds heavier than I feel comfortable. When I can so easily make myself really yummy food in fifteen to twenty minutes, and when I really enjoy the process, I cook stuff just because I can. Then it needs to be eaten. It’s not very feminist to be wrapped up in the vanity that makes me hate being squishy around the middle. 


It’s taken me years to realize that I don’t have to burn my bra as a modern-day feminist (editors note: feminists actually never burned their bras; it was back of the backlash). My mother’s generation did that for me so that I don’t have to. I get to be in the kitchen because I want to be. I am staying home with my daughter until she starts school because I am lucky enough to be afforded the opportunity to do so. I get to do it because I want to. I could just as easily have gone back to work and found a good daycare if I’d wanted to. 


I’ll be totally honest, I still struggle with the whole vanity pounds thing, but I figure that will come with time. At least I hope so. Because I know that loving myself means I should accept myself as I am, but do I have to? I just don’t know.


I just know that, luckily, most days my life has more important things for me to address. Like taking care of my kids; making sure they know they’re loved while still trying to set aside some time for myself at the end of every day. 


Hopefully the conundrum of the extra ten pounds can weigh heavily on my mind well into old age when I finally have time to sit and ponder my feminist stance on vanity weight. Until then, you’ll find me in the kitchen at least once a day—barefoot, in an apron. Because that’s exactly where I want to be.

Lerner is a heavily-tattooed, hen-keeping, profanity-loving, die-hard foodie mom who has a personal blog (with moxy) at Stay At Home Babe. She spends way too much time on Twitter and is also available on Facebook or by email at babe@stayathomebabe.com

Feminist Friday XVIII: Reverse Sexism

For me this is an easy one; reverse sexism is not okay. Being a feminist for me is about equality and that is for men too. Sure patriarchy means men have had advantages for thousands of years but that doesn't mean they should now be disadvantaged to make up for it. Women and men should be on equal footing, have the same opportunities and equal advantage.  I'm raising Blondie Boy to be whomever or whatever he wants to be and to know that any little girls around him can do the same.

I'd never call NotBlondeHusband "Mr Mom" because to me that undermines his role as a father. Being a Father is just as important as being a Mother and saying that a man who does what are considered "traditional" female roles is a "Mr Mom" isn't just reverse sexism, it is straight up sexism as well. Not only are you saying the role of father isn't one of value but you are also playing into the stereotype of a mother's place is in the home.


Does that make sense? Is it just me who thinks this is a no brainer?

Feminist Friday XVIII:

Reverse Sexism

Here's how it works. Write a blog about being a feminist mom, raising a feminist child, a rant or anything that falls under the realm of the theme for the week. Come back and link your post and post the button on your blog.


That's it.


You don't even have to be a blogger to take part - just send me your post and I will publish it on my blog for you. You don't even have to include your name if you prefer.


When you've published it, come back on Friday and via a widget thing you can add a link to your post and share it with everyone. The link remains open for 4 days.


Visit others, comment if you like them or feel inspired by them. Just go out and encourage and support other feminist Moms.


The more support you give, the more you will get back! I can't wait to meet and interact with other feminist moms around the world!

Feminist Friday XVII: Myths

I have so much I could say but there is no wifi in my hotel room. I just want to get the link up ASAP so big apologies! Huge thanks to NBH for wading into new territory and making a linky for me. Y'all have no idea how long it's taken to get this up!

Feminist Friday XVII:

Myths

Here's how it works. Write a blog about being a feminist mom, raising a feminist child, a rant or anything that falls under the realm of the theme for the week. Come back and link your post and post the button on your blog.


That's it.


You don't even have to be a blogger to take part - just send me your post and I will publish it on my blog for you. You don't even have to include your name if you prefer.


When you've published it, come back on Friday and via a widget thing you can add a link to your post and share it with everyone. The link remains open for 4 days.


Visit others, comment if you like them or feel inspired by them. Just go out and encourage and support other feminist Moms.


The more support you give, the more you will get back! I can't wait to meet and interact with other feminist moms around the world!