Saturday 23 October 2010

XFactor: Live Shows Week 3

Paije Richardson:

Who styles him? He's like the love child of Whitley and Dwanye Wayne from A Different World with his brightly coloured shoulder-padded blazer and faded hi-top haircut; I have no idea what's around his neck but he should return it to Flava Flav asap. I'm sure the judges are going to love this, but I'm b-o-r-e-d and I think it was self-indulgent. He's the first out and I think he's at risk at being in the bottom three.

John Adeleye:

Why does he have the hairstyle of an 8 year old girl playing double-dutch? Again, I'm hating the styling. I don't know this song and it's not keeping my attention and the two random dancers grinding and then pirouetting off to the side are just confusing me. It didn't sound bad, but another one I'm throwing into the bottom three pile.

Rebecca Ferguson:

Did they dye her hair the same colour as Cheryl's or is that just a new weave? I don't like the big ass bow making her look crazy-wide when you know she's teeny-tiny. Now in her VT she said she wanted to show how she's young and can have fun--I thought that meant she'd be doing something uptempo and contemporary. I do think this song suits her and she's singing beautifully, but I kinda want to see her bust out of this 30's jazzy vibe or at least sing something modern in a jazzy style. Regardless, she's safe.

Cher Lloyd:

OMG She's singing No Diggity?!?!? I can identify that song after two notes, it's true. Oh Noooo now a segway into Shout? I am *not* a fan of the medley and I was about to say as much as I hate her I freaking love that song, but when you add in Shout and that broke-ass rap, blergh. She looks like she has 5 pairs of false lashes on how she can see is beyond me and did Cheryl dye Cher's hair to match hers as well? How is Cher "being me" when she's copied Cheryl's hair? Shout, shout let it all out, Cher's breath smells like sauerkraut. She'll be safe, blah.

Matt Cardle:

It's Britney bitches. I know I complained about his one hat, but I think he needs to get that hat back because what's underneath isn't nice. Is an acoustic version of "...Baby One more Time" original? No, Travis did it in the late 90's. Will people love it? Yes. He's wicked safe.

One Direction:

Does anyone have 8-16 year old little girls? They freaking love One Direction, right? Which one do they fancy? I honestly don't think it matters what they sing, little girls will eat them up and probably Grannies too and aren't those two demographics XFactor's bread and butter? I think they've really gelled and sound good for a boy band. Despite that really, really bad last note by Zain, they're safe.

(The theme is guilty pleasures? I tooootally missed that and would have never known if I hadn't heard Cheryl say that. Whoops, sometimes I fast-forward through too much I guess!)

Treyc Cohen:

Um Zepplin isn't a guilty pleasure, I'm fairly sure they are a respectable band you don't have to like about liking. I think Treyc is a good singer, but she's not a rock chick and I'm not loving this or her feather shoulder pads. Can someone please explain the grinding people to me- how is that something you get into? Anyway I see she too has some Cheryl coloured extensions if Katie doesn't come out with red hair at this point I'll be surprised. I don't think the audience at home will pick up the phone for that so I'm throwing her in the bottom three pile.

Mary Byrne:

I'm not a fan of people re-singing songs from auditions; it reminds me of Tatiana from American Idol. I do really like this song and Mary excels at songs she can belt since she is from the school of "she who sings loudest is best." I'm not loving the dress, but I'm just glad she's not in flowy pants this week; maybe next week she can wear her hair down. I'd love to hear her sing something contemporary, but I don't see that happening. Tesco's darling is safe.

Aiden Grimshaw:

Oh Aiden has jumped the shark; I don't know if he's lost his confidence after last week but this is NOT good. He should give this song to Mary and that hair back to Vanilla Ice. I'd throw him in my bottom three pile too, but the judges loved him.

Belle Amie:

Girls Aloud is their guilty pleasure or The Pretenders? Either way this isn't going to go down well with Cheryl I suspect. Do they have belts or a bike chain or something weaved into their hair? I gotta say I think this performance is falling really flat, the singing isn't bad, but it's just not exciting. The redhead's shoes are cute and I like the blonde one's dress; yes I don't know their names and don't pretend like you do either. I'm throwing them into my bottom three pile and yes I know I have more than three in there, so sue me!


I'm speechless, I need a minute to collect my thoughts. Talk amongst yourselves; here's a topic: Grapenuts are neither grapes nor nuts, discuss. Spice Girls took my power of speech away and then a segway into La Vida Loca with carnival dancers simulating sex. and then flashing Wagner. I can't comment on the singing because, well umm he didn't sing. Louis has done lost his mind, but they hit guilty pleasures right on the head. I'd say bottom three, but there is obviously a vote for the worst campaign going on for Wagner.

Katie Waissel:

Well at least she didn't dye her hair Cheryl red, but can someone please touch her roots up for me? I'm sure the X-Factor budget has enough money for a little peroxide. Her VT said she's be dancing, but I think she's more prancing about and trying to look sexy, emphasis on trying. I get how Disney can be a guilty pleasure, but I didn't love it. I think Simon might break out his cruise ship metaphor in response to her performance. I agree with Louis she is like Gwen Stefani as I believe Gwen should never be allowed to perform live. I was wrong about Simon so I guess she's safe.


Anonymous said...

I had no idea (despite seeing your tweets whiz past) that you were quite as into X Factor as you are. I loved your commentary!

Aesop said...

haha, I met her at a local Fashion Show. At the time I had no idea who she was or that she was on X-Factor! Thought she was over-rated at the Fashion Show and wondered who had styled her hair as it needed sorting out!